Well, 2014 was a bit shit wasn’t it.
Not entirely of course, we did have a decent summer and there was some good tele but you don’t need me to list the more despicable events of the year…and I’m not even including England’s performance at the World Cup.
Nevertheless, you’ve always got to be positive about the new year don’t you, although granted that’s made a bit easier if you’re a Chelsea fan like me. But for those poor unfortunates who support a team without Eden Hazard, what is there to look forward to?
Not so much as it turns out, especially as far as my internet based predictions are concerned.
Because regular visitors will know I confidently foresee at least 10 things to enjoy/dread in the coming year, prognostications based upon extensive empirical research of all things web and my even greater understanding of the human mind.
However, this year as the whole Net turns murkier, I feel constrained to offer only 5 iron clad Internet certainties lest the more dire revelations spiral mankind even more quickly into moral degradation.
That’s what I’m saying anyway, the fact that I only started to think about them a few days ago has nothing to do with it.
So my friends, here then without further fanfare or shameful excuse are my Top
10 5 Internet Predictions of 2015. Read on, it won’t take you long.
- Google will find another use for the ‘I’m Feeling Lucky’ button on their search page. When you press it and you get taken to their new online Gambling service.
- After hacking Sony Pictures, a jealous Kim Jon Un will order North Korea to attack the No.1 most corrupt and repressive governing body in the World. Sepp Blatter’s leaked email calls Pele ‘a minimally talented spoiled brat’ and we finally do see the Garcia Report in full.
- Google will try to atone for not paying enough tax in the UK by promising to clean up inner city neighbourhoods. The new service will be called Google Mops.
- When a disproportionate amount of their new iWatches are returned by men for being broken, Apple will realise a fundamental design flaw. Having something you can watch porn on, that’s worn on the wrist, has a built in camera and isn’t sufficiently shake proof is just asking for trouble.
- Kim Kardashian will break the internet this year. She’ll sit on it.
Unfortunately, at least to my mind, I fear those last two may well be linked.