Top 10 Internet Predictions of 2014

Jeez, 2013 only seemed to start a year ago and now it’s gone.
And to tell you the truth, I’m very happy with that because it’s been an odd year and you know what that means, no World Cup, Euro’s or Olympics!
But 2014, all things being even, I think I’m going to like. For a start England will definitely win the World Cup and I’m also convinced that at least one my predictions will come true this time.
In fact I’m so confident I’ll even give you a bonus prediction for the very beginning of the year. On January 1st when the new series of ‘Sherlock’ starts I fully expect that the reason Benedict Cumberbatch didn’t die falling off that roof is because he nicked a teleporter from being in that Star Trek movie. Remember folks, you read it here first.
It’s as obvious as England winning the World Cup.
But enough, I’m just showing off now and so without another do being furthered, I present to you my latest list of internet based certainties. THE TOP 10 INTERNET PREDICTIONS OF 2014.

  1. Attention spans on the internet will get shorter and shorter. Even Vine videos receive the complaint, “Well, that’s 6 seconds of my life I’ll never get back.”
  2. With the Mini Ipad such a success, Apple look to minimize other products and unveil their Mini Mouse.
  3. Amazon will roll out their new drone program to deliver packages. Unfortunately, tragic circumstances ensue when they choose the same manufacturer as the US military who spectacularly misunderstand the nature of the ‘package’ meant to be delivered.
  4. Irony will abound for Monty Python fans who apply online for tickets to the Reunion gigs. All the confirmation emails get caught in the Spam filter.
  5. Ebay decide to introduce a regional marketplace service. The first one will be in Yorkshire and be called Ebay Gum.
  6. Tentative talks will be held by Confused.com and PaddyPower about a merger. Plans will be scrapped however when the name ConfusedPaddy.com doesn’t scan well with certain focus groups.
  7. Facebook finally relent to pressure and unveil a new ‘Dislike’ button. People who don’t like the ‘dislike’ button have a field day.
  8. The Government will be confronted over their claims that every family is at least £50 better off than they were before the last election. Turns out they’re counting the free bets from online gambling sites.
  9. NSA whistleblower Edward Norton will drop a new bombshell. Or more likely, one will drop on him.
  10. The 3rd most viewed selfie of 2014 will be of Miley Cyrus’s arse. The 2nd most viewed selfie will be of Miley Cyrus’s tongue. But the No. 1 most viewed selfie will be of Miley Cyrus’s tongue sticking out of Miley Cyrus’s arse. Most of the World however, fed up with Miley Cyrus’s tongue and Miley Cyrus’s arse will be dismayed it’s only Photoshop’d.

Oh well, that’s it for another year. Back to twerk I go.
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