Top 10 Internet Predictions for 2013

Rule Britannia, Britannia rules the…well, it was just about everything in 2012.

A Diamond Jubilee, a Champions League, a triumphant Olympic Games, a Tour de France, a tennis US Open, James Bond better than ever and ahem…One Direction.

It’s a shame they wouldn’t allow a Brit to be US President, we might have won that too. I bet Simon Cowell could have done it, he’s used to running things and getting people to vote. As it was, apparently a Kenyan won it again.

Still if it can’t be that good for ol’ Blighty in 2013, what can we expect to happen this year? And specifically what’s next for us, and the wider World, on the series of tubes they call the internet.

Because regular readers of my blog (although I concede there hasn’t been much new stuff to read lately) will know that at this time of year I always try to predict the web based wonders of the next 12 months, even if I don’t really try too hard.

But why shouldn’t one of my predictions come true, I mean the law of averages must kick in eventually. Always the optimist me.

And so without further ado but with suitably overblown fanfare and fingers crossed I present to you my TOP 10 INTERNET PREDICTIONS FOR 2013.

  1. Apple will launch a radical plan to justify all the glaring errors on their Apple Maps service. Their first step is to buy The Eiffel Tower and move it to a suburb in Lowestoft where they say it is.
  2. After Piers Morgan’s rant about gun control sparked a US online petition to have him deported, and a UK one was launched not to have him back, a third poll is created to promote the obvious compromise. Millions vote to drop him somewhere in the middle.
  3. A shocking decline in medical training at NHS Direct is highlighted after a member of staff suggests using Google Docs for a second opinion.
  4. The Pope will soon regret opening his new Twitter account. One glass of Communion wine too many and he announces ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ is his new second favorite book. #NaughtyPontiff.
  5. A very ill-conceived new method of Viral Marketing goes horribly wrong for zombie movie ‘World War Z’. Within 28 days the World looks like a scene from The Walking Dead and box office takings are terrible.
  6. As online gambling sites proliferate, 888.com cause outrage by inventing a new niche in the market. Based on very poor taste betting they launch a companion website called 666.com
  7. A Monty Python fan makes a terrible error by setting up a Google Alert for ‘Spam’ instead of Spamalot’. The next time he opens his email account there are 7 Trillion messages in there.
  8. Someone will hack into Wikipedia and edit Wikipedia’s own page about Wikipedia. Changing the text to say Wikipedia closed as soon as it started, the resulting space time paradox makes it disappear off the web and millions of students retroactively fail their exams.
  9. After much criticism for not paying any UK corporation tax for years, Amazon and the government finally reach a settlement. Ministers will get first dibs on all the best deals on Black Friday.
  10. Twitter will follow Facebook by floating on the stock market. Frustration sets in though when investors are restricted to a maximum of 140 shares at a time.

I actually had another one but it’s just too obvious really. That when Wills and Kate’s baby is born every celeb in the western World will be poised by a computer to be the first to say they are so happy for them. Well ok, maybe not Morrissey.

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