Top 10 Internet Predictions for 2012.

2012, oh er.

As if 2011 wasn’t bad enough, we have either a financial armageddon to look forward to in the coming year or a real one if the Mayans or Roland Emmerich are to be believed.

On the bright side though, if cataclysmic seismic shifts do begin to destroy our planet, someone is bound to create an app for that. At least it’ll be nice and easy to follow our spiral into oblivion.

I wouldn’t have to rack my brains for the 2013 version of these unlikely predictions either.

But without such a ready excuse for this year, here then…after great deliberation and viewing many hours of internet related programming, if ‘Rude Tube’ counts, are my Top 10 Internet Predictions for 2012.

And as in previous years they are presented in absolutely no order of accuracy or probability, so let history prove me right or wrong. If the Mayan prediction is right it won’t matter anyway will it.

  1. The fairy-tale Royal Marriage of William and Kate will come to a sad and acrimonious end once she discovers his Google history includes multiple searches for ‘Pippa Middleton’s arse’.
  2. Following the film success of ‘The Social Network’, plans are made for a sequel. About how looters used Facebook to co-ordinate the London Riots, this one will be called ‘The Anti-Social Network’.
  3. Beleaguered social network site Friends Reunited have a brilliant idea for a new advertising campaign. Unfortunately they can only afford Gunther for it and not Joey, Ross, Rachel, Phoebe, Chandler or Monica.
  4. When the new iPad 3 is released, Microsoft will again demonstrate how far behind Apple they are by saying that once you put a mouse and mousepad on it you still can’t see the screen to use it.
  5. It won’t matter who wins the Republican nomination for the US Presidential election, they are all so poor that after a YouTube only debate is broadcast, Keyboard Cat will play them out.
  6. The term Googlewhack, known previously as a search request producing only one result, will become something far more sinister when Google unveil their new Assassination service.
  7. Famous in the US, classified ads site Craigslist will recognise a chance for some free publicity in the UK. When the new Bond film is released it will change its name to DanielCraigsList for a week.
  8. For those watching The Olympic 100m final on BBC iPlayer via broadband it will be over in less than 10 seconds. For those on dial up it will last 2 minutes and then freeze just at the end.
  9. Britain will realize its obsession with celebrity has finally gone too far when someone tweets a rumour that Z-Lister Rik Waller has hemorrhoids, and even that starts trending.
  10. Given that the Mayans have predicted the end of the World on December 21st 2012, Amazon are careful to include a disclaimer that this may effect Christmas delivery times.

So there you have them. And I really, really hope at least one of them does come true.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m just off to my Twitter account. I’m sure that was Rik Waller in Superdrug buying Preperation H.

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2 thoughts on “Top 10 Internet Predictions for 2012.

  1. Good list, you should write for Letterman, even if as an American I have no idea at all who Rik Waller is.
    The Googlewhack one is my favorite but I think the most accurate is number 5, God help us.

  2. Thank you David,
    Wait a minute, you’re David and you refer to Letterman.
    It’s probably my wishful thinking here but if those names do go together I’d just like you to know I am available for more Top 10 lists at reasonable rates.
    To explain a little about Mr Waller however (and sorry he is very much a British reference), before we sold you ‘American Idol’ it was ‘Pop Idol’ to us and our Rik was one of the contestants.
    More to the point though, Rik was the size of 2 contestants.
    So he was briefly famous for that, and being a useless fat lump on something called Celebrity Fit Club, but when I was thinking of someone who’d had their 15 minutes but the last person you’d want to know had piles, he was a natural candidate.
    Although my point wasn’t even to diss poor Rik, just the whole celebrity for no reason thing.
    I could just as easily have rejigged that one and written Kim Kardashian had piles.
    But that’s an entirely different mental image and I’d have been a lot more likely to be sued.
    And depressingly, I bet that really would have trended.

    • World, meet Mr Rik Waller.
      Hello World, allow me to introduce you to UK ‘celebrity’, Mr Rik Waller.

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